Abusive Relationships

This I have to say. My husband has an estranged daughter. She hasn’t spoken to him for almost two years since her grandmother (Tom’s mother) passed away.
Tom’s mom always told me that Jessica was twisted. She was so in debt to her mother’s happiness that she ignored her father.
You see Jessica’s mother was molested by her father when she was growing up. Tom felt sorry for her, tried to help, his family (mother) included, and married her eventually. I’m not saying this the only reason he married her… don’t get me wrong.
So…. time goes on. She is a broken individual. He tries to save his marriage. They both make mistakes with swinging. He breaks the rules and invites others into the swinging. Evetually, she divorces him for cheating. Do I think it’s cheating? No. He broke rules, but they shouldn’t have been dealing in this stuff anyway.
So, fast forward to Tom and I. We meet. He explains his past. I accept it, based on what he tells me he doesn’t want in his life (swinging, perversion, etc)
His mother accepted his ex-wife because she knew she (the ex-wife) needed her as a mother. This is because her mother tried to keep her marriage and life going almost she was married to a pedophile that abused their daughter.
When I met my husband…. I was shocked when I was introduced to the family. OMG. The first day, I heard the oldest daughter yell obscenities to her boyfriend and everyone made fun of Lillyian, the grandmother, and didn’t want to sit by her, and everyone made fun of a young child I call “W”, because he “wasn’t blood” as part of the family and they thought he was weird.
My thoughts? You don’t talk like that to someone you love; you don’t criticize your elders; and he was just a boy. So what if he wasn’t “blood” like the others were.
So…. time goes on.
After ten years I can tell you….
The mother of these children, most likely because of her background with her sexually abusive father and ignoring mother, never taught her children respect for their father or for elders.
Her sexually abusive father passed before I met the family. She cares for her mother, but only in toleration. I personally think she should drop the “caring” she tries to portray for her mother or fullyl forgive and quit treating her the crappy way she is treated by the grandchildren, who don’t fully respect their elders. They make fun of her, etc.
I’m shocked to hear that one of the girls’ husband thinks it is amusing and teases his wife about how she treats her grandmother or father.
The daughters never call their father on Father’s Day or his birthday. They weren’t taught to celebrate either. This is because of the way the sexually abused mother felt about her father. But why pass this on to their daughters?
In some ways you might disagree with me.
I know the man. He broke rules. He was trying to be happy.
He couldn’t be happy with a woman that was sexually abused. He broke rules trying to be sexually happy and trying to be “connected” to his family.
He remarried a younger woman who immediately got pregnant with a new daughter. A joy to his life because the second wife was a good woman.
Not a complete match, because she was much younger, but she was able to get him out of the situation with his first wife.
So…. bottom line up front.
His youngest daughter from this first marriage. I think she is a sociopath. Her husband and friends support her attitude, which is bad, in how she treats her grandmother and her father.
I feel sorry for them all.
I can’t fix it.
I don’t know what will happen when he passes, but at this point in time, I can tell you that I will NOT contact them.
They “live” for pain. They post pictures of their grandmother (his mom) for every day and don’t live for themselves.
This grandmother didn’t want her picture on Facebook, let alone an old picture
They live for pain. They want someone to feel sorry for them.
I’m done with it.
I’m not feeling sorry for them anymore.
If their father passes, I’m not telling them.